Money is often a difficult conversation for a lot of people, myself included.
This week I got to see what a crazy amount of power it can hold over me and how much of it’s meaning is convoluted and untrue.
The last few weeks I’ve noticed myself feeling confused and being disempowered whenever I thought about my finances. I went from feeling great and secure to suddenly thinking things like “I need to make more”, “I should be doing more ”, “These are the years I should be at my best”, “I need to work harder”. All these thoughts and beliefs have been swimming around my head.
I knew on some level these conversations were not providing me with a lot of space or power and so decided to look into what was really going on.
I jumped on a call with great friend of mine and he asked me one question that rocked me. He wanted to know if I was relating to money as money or as something else?
I had to pause because at first I didn’t even understand the question.
Most of the time when I’m screwed up about something it’s usually because I am relating to it from a place that is filled with other stuff.
Think about it, you’ve a bad day at work in an office where you feel under-appreciated and you’re in traffic for hours and all of a sudden someone cuts you off. Your first reaction might be to swear, yell and think all sorts of bad things about the driver. You reaction to the driver is based on your day and so you make his bad driving mean all these other things about how inconsiderate, selfish and stupid people are.
You’ve stopped relating to something as the thing itself and have instead added some other meaning to what it is.
As humans we are very good at bringing and creating our own meaning to things. Another example that is easily seen is if your wife or partner does something hurtful to you or is complaining and you think they are a jerk or nag because of it, you start to react to them at all times as if they are a jerk and/or a nag. No matter what your wife or partner does, most times you will still relate to them as a constant complainer or inconsiderate jerk.
This is true for all personal relationships. (Just think about some of your family and you’ll easily see all the preset conversations and things about them, even if they are not doing it to you right now)
So when I was asked that question, I thought to myself, ‘what am I relating to money as, if I’m not relating to it as money?’
What I saw was that I relate to money as validation for the work I’m doing and thus validation of me. I saw that money was a source of freedom. Money is what gives me my value in the world.
When I examined those in greater detail, I had a moment of clarity. I got to see just how full of shit those beliefs are. Money isn’t validation for the work I’m doing and it’s certainly not validation of me. The fact is I’ve helped thousands of people overcome many obstacles in their relationships and their lives and whether or not I’ve gotten paid for it makes no difference on the quality of work I’ve done with them and the difference they’ve seen in their lives.
If I charged $1 or $10000 the amount of money I’ve earned for the work I’ve done doesn’t change the fact that I’m proud of the work I’ve done and that my clients are happy with the results they’ve gotten. (Like these people)
As for money being freedom. Well as soon as that came out of my mouth I saw how bogus that was. I know people with a lot of money who are completely trapped in their life, and I also know people who are broke beyond measure that experience complete freedom. Now I’m not saying that being free means being broke. What I am saying, is that money itself is not a real freedom. Money might be access to more freedom but money doesn’t equal freedom. It is a subtle but powerful difference.
The people who associate money with being free are really only free to do the things that cost money, it’s not real freedom. Yet somehow, I allowed myself to believe that it was.
Having this conversation totally gave me space and freed me up. The cool thing about doing this work is that as I start to disassociate myself with all of my familiar patterns around finance, I’m noticing more and more increases in my income.
You can’t want to have this belief simply so you bring in more cash, like most things in life, you have to access the part of you that is not attached and can see money for what it is without the perceived power it holds. This is the only way to have more of IT, instead of IT having more of you.
Remember this if you are struggling with your own conversations about finances. All money is…..is money. Anything other than that is simply not true and is some meaning you’ve attached to it.
To your relationship success (with love and money),
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